Paradoxal Eden

So you're just supposed to give up ?

"It's not about giving up, it's about letting go, and finally accepting who you are"

What is Happiness ?

Hello everybody, and welcome to another post ! Today’s entry will be a little different from the most recent ones, as it will be written in French. Yeah, such a shame I know, but it’s been some time now since the last time I did it. And even though I love English and its beauty, nothing can replace the eloquence one has in one’s mother tongue.

Qu’est-ce que le Bonheur ? Le mot est vague au possible, et les différents sens que l’on peut lui trouver n’apportent que peu de satisfaction. Le Petit Larousse Illustré (édition limitée 2012, gagnée à un concours d’écriture s’il vous plaît !) le décrit comme étant un « état de complète satisfaction, de plénitude ». Encore faudrait-il pouvoir définir ce qu’est la plénitude. Quoi qu’il en soit, d’aucuns s’accordent à dire que le bonheur est par définition un absolu, et donc, quelque chose que l’on ne peut atteindre (merci à Jess pour la leçon de français ^^). C’est un concept, un peu comme la perfection. Enfin, pour éviter de nous perdre dans des digressions aussi laborieuses qu’inintéressantes, nous nous contenterons de l’acception usuelle (et probablement quelque peu abusive). Id est, un état de profond contentement, un événement heureux.

Dans cette optique, on pourra donc considérer que le Bonheur est ce à quoi tout être humain aspire. Il pourra alors, suivant le point de vue et le domaine d’étude, s’agir de l’Amour (la majuscule signifiant ici encore qu’il s’agit d’un concept absolu, mais que l’on réduira ici au sens de « réciproque »), de la reconnaissance (que l’on assimilera au respect, à l’admiration, ...), et ainsi de suite.

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Mais le bonheur peut se trouver n’importe où, et dans les choses les plus simples.
Ce peut être le simple plaisir de marcher sur le carrelage chaud d’une véranda baignée par un soleil estival, sentir la brise fraîche par une soirée chaude, passer une nuit en petit comité, à discuter et rire entre amis. Un sourire, accompagné d’un regard appuyé lors d’un échange avec une inconnue, ou encore le souvenir fugace, mais tout aussi intense d’une après-midi de passion effrénée dans une chambre, la fenêtre ouverte, et le vent caressant la peau. Se balader dans les rues, les yeux rêveurs et l’esprit libéré, pour terminer sur le bord des quais, le tout en charmante compagnie.

On passe tant de temps à poursuivre des chimères, à rechercher le meilleur, une perfection illusoire. A regretter le passé où tout était tellement plus simple. A se plaindre du présent, des petites choses qui ne vont pas. Alors que pendant tout ce temps, tout était là, sous nos yeux. You just have to reach for it.

Ces derniers temps, le bon vieux « Carpe Diem » semble avoir été remis au goût du jour, en particulier sous une forme édulcorée, et « hispterisée » : YOLO (You Only Live Once). Et si l’interprétation qui en a été faite (notamment par la « jeune » génération) est bien trop souvent abusive et « nawakesque », la philosophie qui se trouve derrière est loin d’être dénuée de fondement. Je me suis trop longtemps considéré comme un stoïcien, puis comme un cynique, considérant qu’ainsi je pouvais me préserver, tout d’abord en me fermant, puis en blessant les autres. Manger ou être mangé. Véritable manichéen, tout devait être noir ou blanc à mes yeux. Tout était d’une certaine façon plus facile surtout.

La vérité, c’est que je ne sais pas ce que je suis. Tour à tour pragmatique, rêveur, passionné, froid, rebelle et conformiste, je ne me retrouve plus dans tous ces courants de pensée, ces philosophies et ces cercles de poètes que j’aimais à révérer autrefois. Il y a une éternité maintenant, une amie ne cessait de me répéter qu’il fallait que « j’apprenne à me forger » plutôt que de chercher à tout prix à me rattacher à un groupe parce que finalement, j’étais quelqu’un d’unique, mais que je ne le voyais pas. Je n’avais pas compris à l’époque la colère dans sa voix, et encore moins le regret que je lisais dans ses yeux. Je ne saurais dire si j’ai enfin réalisé « qui je suis », ou bien si je deviens tout simplement trop vieux pour m’accrocher à mes caprices enfantins..

« As-tu des rêves ? Quelque chose qui te tient réellement à cœur ? Existe-t-il une chose pour laquelle tu sacrifierais tout ? »

C’est à peu près le discours que j’ai tenu à une personne qui m’était très chère. Je me rappelle en particulier de la peine que je lui avais causée à l’époque. Et surtout, je la comprends.

Car aujourd’hui, je crois que je ne saurais plus répondre à cette question. Et cela me rend triste ...

A sheep I am becoming ...

Things are getting fine =)

Hellow there !

Just getting back from my weekend at my gf's place. 'Til the vacay, we used to go to her student room in Cergy, but now that she's doing her internship at Angers (her hometown), I had the chance to go visit her.

She has quite an amazing house I have to say. And her father (who is a Math teacher) sure knows how to use his hands to fix and build things. They call him McGyver and from what I've seen, I wouldn't deny this nickname lol. I also met the rest of the family (her mother and youngest sister) who are quite something ^^ the middle sister is actually doing her internship in Germany so I couldn't see her.

But about that weekend, it was pretty amazing, and rich in terms of events ^^

If you were in France during these last days, you know how bad the weather was. Fortunately, when I left Paris, it was just grey and cloudy. But when I arrived Friday at Angers, it was raining. It's always nice to be welcomed with a pouring rain =/

And as some of you may know, in France, we have the equivalent of the Independence Day, except it's not the 4th, but the 14th of July. Day where the Bastille (a French Fortress which was turned into a Jail, symbol of the royalty) was taken and pinned down in 1789. It's when the France "became" a democracy.

Anyway, from that day, we celebrate the anniversary with fireworks and all.

In Angers and some of the towns around, the fireworks are launched the 13th. So we gathered to go with all the step family. Meaning her uncles, aunts and cousins joined us. A bunch of very easy-going and cheerful people if you want my opinion =)

The downtown is a 45min-walk away from the house so we decided to make some exercise. 10 min after, it was pouring, and a few minutes later, it was raining like during the Flood Myth. Shitty weather >_<"

Anyway, it was also the Rolling Stones' anniversary, and the fireworks, synced with the music were just awesome. My girl, who enjoys dancing as much as me, found it really hard not to dance and I couldn't blame her. But under that rain and on the slippery grass, we chose to stay "safe". We got home at midnight, soaked wet and frozen. Quite an eventful start ^^

The rest of the weekend was more peaceful, but not less enjoyable. A stride along the Loire river with a picnic where we had to cuddle like penguins, or just staying at home "playing", it was really a good time.

Needless to say, the days passed by like a lit fuse.

Oh, and this Friday, I'm going to have a drink with some fellows at the US Embassy France. This should be quite awesome, so stay tuned !

Japan Expo 2012

Hey guys !

Ok so just went to the Japan Expo this weekend, and it was awesome ! So I thought it would be good to post a little update ^^

For those who don't know what it is, the Japan Expo is a convention that gather people from every corner in France (and even abroad). Their common interests ? Manga, Cosplays (Costume Playing), Video Games and everything that's about Japanese Culture.

It lasts 4 days and takes place at the Parc des Expositions which is less than an hour from Paris. If you're interested about anything that has to deal with Japan, goodies at low prices, here is the place you must be ^^

It was the second time I attended it, and the first thing I noticed is the ticket's price has dramatically increased. It was something like 10 € 2 years ago, and it's now 17 € ...

I decided to go on Saturday, because that day you can also enjoy the Comic Con (Star Wars, Marvels, and much more).

Second thing that has to be said is : damn it's so freaking crowded ! The convention opens at 9 am, and my sister, her friend and me decided to go for 10 so we wouldn't have to wait too long. Bubu. Everybody had the same idea or had come even earlier. Result : we waited for almost 2 hours in the queue line ... -_-"

And the worst is that it wasn't so much due to the people, but the logistic. It was pure bs.

There were only 10 stands to buy tickets when several thousands of people were waiting. How crazy is that ?

I mean, a seller, a credit card reader, a table and a chair. It's all it takes ! And without any training, a person without any formation can deal with 10 people in less than 10 min ! No need to have a degree for that !

There were even idle staff waiting, just looking at the crowd, like zombies. And everytime we asked them to do something, they would be saying : I'm awaiting orders from my superior. Damned useless guys. Not an inch of sense of initiative. Anyway..

There's nothing much different from last time. I mean, of course, there are even more people, new mangas, video games and technologies, cars, the otakus are as friendly as ever and it's a good opportunity to meet new friends ^^ But that's pretty much it. Once you've seen it once, the element of surprise is faded. Still a good moment of course.

And I bought a katana (Japanese sword) !!!

The little story behind this one is that it's been ages since I've wanted to have one. But I didn't want one of those common and oversold swords. I've seen countless people wandering with Ichigo's bankai (Bleach), or one of the swords you can see in other animes (One Piece, etc). So I was almost giving up when I saw that stand and I instantly knew this was the one I had to get. It's not as long or decorated compared to most of the others. But I liked the sobriety and it just felt "right" lol.

And then, when I unwrapped it at home, there was that little tag that was with it. And guess what, it's a replica from The Last Samurai sword ^^ I wouldn't say it's my favorite movie, but it's definitely one of my fav ^_^

So yeah, I was really happy =)

That is all.

Boredness vs Fun

Hey all, it's been a while since my last entry -I mean real entry- and I don't really have an excuse for that.
I could say I didn't have anything important to share, but I guess nothing's relevant to a certain extent. I could also say I was busy, but the truth is, I am so bored it's depressing. Days all look the same..
I had planned to do an internship, and I had applied for some positions in Germany. Not my favorite country, but the companies' offers were quite interesting. Well paid, and significant experience to add to my resume.
I passed the first qualifications, and just had to wait for the interviews. Thing is, they cancelled. Gave me the usual reason, you know "We regret, however, to inform you that we can no longer consider you for the position [...] We are currently considering other applicants whose competencies and experience better match the requirements of the role" bla bla bla. Truth is, I was overqualified for the job. That's the reason why they were enthusiastic at first. I matched all the requirements, and even more. It's only when I wrote a follow-up email concerning my salary and if the housing charges would be taken care of that they decided to give up. Translation : "You're to expensive for us". Needless to say, I was quite disappointed. Some could say I was too greedy. Maybe. Anyway, what's done is done..
Since then, I ignored all the other offers that have crossed my way. I don't need an internship, as I already did one last year and got it validated. But it was an opportunity to work abroad, have a glimpse of what it's like to be in a fast spreading company, and you know, just broaden my mind. Plus, I'd have had to work in English (and I just love it ^^).
Anyway.
So now I'm just trying to kill time. It's hard to find some fun, especially when you're like me, very easily bored.

But last weekend was just what I needed. Went camping with "some" people (some meaning 40+ ^^), friends and complete strangers. Needless to say we were best buddies by the end of the weekend. Alcohol, music, a 1ha domain, a sleepless night and easy-going people. Just what I call fun =)